10 things you'll see this weekend

With any luck, asymmetrical haircuts like Chris Masten's will be a thing of the past before the end of the season. Picture: George Salpigtidis Source: Herald Sun

ASYMMETRICAL haircuts given the chop, double hunchbacks in the west and Dees players on milk cartons. Here's a few things you might witness in AFL action this weekend.

SHORT BACK 'N' SIDES THE NEW BLACK

Asymmetrical haircuts are so Round 1.

Hope the boys out west - the biggest lop-sided chop offenders - are getting significant discounts on their dos, because most of them appear to have walked out of the salon with half a haircut.

We're all for fashion and individuality, but when David Cloke shows up with only half a mullet to watch young Trav at the MCG, we need to draw the line.

LOGJAM AT THE DIVORCE COURT

With Round 3 the first time that SuperCoach scores actually matter - and a rolling lockout across the entire weekend - thousands of marriages will be put to the test this weekend.

While secretly checking whether Travis Varcoe is the sub while you're at the movies might be almost acceptable, checking the live stats during your mother-in-law's birthday dinner could earn you a one-way ticket to Singleton.

Our tip: time your "bathroom breaks" to coincide with the arrival of the team sheets for each match.

Comedian Will Anderson joins the boys to discuss their picks ahead of round 3

VOSS TO BECOME PUBLIC ENEMY NO.1

While we're on SuperCoach, Michael Voss didn't have enough friends in AFL circles at the moment to pull a stunt like dropping Patrick Karnezis for Brisbane's clash against Gold Coast.

Dropping the struggling forward puts about 200,000 SuperCoaches right up the creek and is almost certain to force them to burn a precious trade.

You're killing us, Vossy.

Kepler Bradley come off second best against fellow hunchback Dustin Fletcher? Picture: George Salpigtidis Source: Herald Sun

DOUBLE HUNCHBACK DESTRUCTION

We've seen what can happen when two atoms collide, but no one knows the damage that may ensue when two hunchbacks hit each other at full speed.

It caught our eye when we saw (on the team sheets, at least) that Dustin Fletcher and Kepler Bradley are set to line up alongside each other on a half-forward flank when the Bombers take on Fremantle tonight.

If the stars aline and their stoops reach just the right angle upon impact, there may be nothing left of Patersons Stadium.

Jay Clark and Scott Gullan say to dump Pat Karnezis and Jack Watts and offer the best trade options for Round 3.

FAIRY BREAD IN THE COACH'S BOX

There ain't no party like an Ess-Club party (shame on you if you understood that reference), especially when it's the first time in four days that no one's asking you whether your sports scientist juiced you up.

The coach's box will be heaven for Bombers coach James Hird tonight, so expect plenty of fun and games as the Dons brains trust try to plot a way past dour Docker Ross Lyon's defence.

DEES PLAYERS ON MILK CARTONS

It's a long drive back to Richmond from Sorrento, so don't be surprised if a few Melbourne players get themselves lost on the way back from the holiday hotspot.

You could hardly blame them. The last time the Demons played West Coast, in Round 2 last year, they copped an Eagles record 108-point belting for their troubles.

Bring your boots to the 'G tomorrow. Last-minute call-ups from the outer may be required.

Justin Westhoff may be the X factor that lifts the Power over Adelaide. Picture: Sarah Reed Source: The Advertiser

DERBY UNDERDOGS DARING TO DREAM

This may be the first weekend in, well, two years of history that Gold Coast, GWS and Port Adelaide are all considered genuine chances of winning.

If Justin Westhoff gets hold of the the glacial Ben Rutten and his cohorts, the Power could salute in the latest Showdown, while league newbies Gold Coast and the Giants all have more than a sniff on their home tracks against Brisbane and St Kilda.

Brave enough to back all three in the ultimate crazy man's multi-bet? Odds of $37 coming your way.

"SHOWDOWN" TV FIGURES IN SINGLE DIGITS

Ragging on the Showdown is a cheap shot, we know, but we're doing it anyway.

When it's up against the Collingwood vs Hawthorn juggernaut at the MCG, the only people watching the South Australian derby will be the blokes on the bench and Graham Cornes.

Taylor Duryea is sure to be the latest name that AFL commentators struggle with this year. Picture: Alex Coppel Source: Herald Sun

TONGUE-TIED TALKERS

As if there weren't enough problems pronouncing Hawthorn player names already.

AFL commentators had finally mastered Schoenmakers, only to be confronted with Puopolo, or was that "Pwopolo", Poo Oppolo or "Pew O Polo"?

Now there's 21-year-old debutant Taylor Duryea. Already we've heard one radio expert pronounce it "Jooria", and who knows how many other variations we'll hear this weekend.

PS we're pretty sure it's "Dooray".

EAGLES TO REGRET LECRAS CALL?

If you can think of a good reason why West Coast would risk forward Mark LeCras against Melbourne, two weeks after he broke his arm, we'd love to hear it.

Nothing more to add here. It's just plain dumb.

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